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Recent posts

0615 just a date

all those years ago today date was just a date, then about 1995 all of that changed, bob was born.

so i actually dont know  if 6/15 was the real date, it may have been written on her papers, i vaguely remember that, but it was the day i celebrated her birth, and it was near the date, so it counts. 

dogs give this gift, the gift of unconditional love.  
you feed them
you snggle them
you scratch them
you love them

but none of that can compare to the unconditional love they always give back, and that is just what bob gave to me.  

bob came to me in a time i desperately needed something to be just mine.  i was so in limbo, in a period of my life where i just had no clue what the hell i was going to do.   i had zero direction, no mentors, wasnt accomplishing much, didnt have any goals, heck, i didnt even know what goal setting was!  i dont regret those years, they were extremely fun, and drunk, but fun, and shaped me along with several more years of that.  looking back on it now i dont regret it. …

the boy, his arm and the guilt.

the boy has been bouncing on the trampoline for years.  since he was a small chubby little guy.  

he has always gone out there on his own and would just jump, up and down on his own for the longest time.  it has always been like he goes in a zone, time in his own head, scheming and imagining.  it would calm him, it has always been his go to when he got shooed outside. 

well, yesterday was the day that came to an end, snap. 
the boy broke his arm. 

yes, it was bound to happen
yes, trampolines are an accident waiting to happen
no, there is not a net around it
yes, i am an awful mom

so now that we have gotten that out of the way.  

it went down like this, the first day of summer break, the boy got shooed outside and off fortnite. jumping away he goes, and attempts the cardinal trampoline sin, a flip.  doesn't land the flip and snap, just like a pencil snapping as he would describe it. 

Clean break of both bones in his forearm. 

where am i? work.
i get a picture message of the snapped S shaped ar…

the quiet time

i dont have a zenny candle burning
i am not drinking a warm mug of tea or coffee
i am super comfy on the couch. 

i got up early this morning to run and since there was a sprinkling of precipitation, i just could not go outside and do that.  i am a complete fair weather runner, always have been, and running in the dark and rain, well i just dont do it.  i need to have really good conditions. 

so i am taking that time to sit and listen to the rain hit the side of the house, the splashing sound when the cars fly by, which they do a 5:34am and my favorite, the birds tweeting waking up the sun. im hoping the sun comes here soon or maybe it is just going to be a rainy day.  

either way i am thrilled!  i am up early, showered and taking some quiet time.  i am hopeful in 20 years i will be able to do this often, and if all goes as it is in my master plan, it will be waves i hear crashing in the background not splashing cars, but for now this is one of those things i wont take for granted.


Conversation #102

I’m not sure if it really was the conversation 102 I had with myself, I lost track somewhere along the way, but today I am back to where I had particular one I remember, one of those conversations in my head.It kind of went like this:

Me: what the hell is wrong with you?
My head: what the hell have you done again?
Me:this is it, I am done.
My head: you really don’t have to be done, you should just cut back.
Me: you could just cut back, but you should be done.
My head: you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back.
Me:who is mad at me?
My head: really, you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back.
Me: how bad did you f up?
My head: you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back.
Me: I’m done, I’m not drinking again.That was it.
My head: Take some time off, you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back.
So what would I do?I would take the time off, like 7 – 21 days or so, and then slowly would ease back into it.The first few times would go ok,…

Road Tripping

Wow... we just pulled in from a great, warm sun filled vacation.  The last days unexpected twist was the road trip part of it all.  I watched airfare for the past month, looking at every combo of days and cities and for the number of people to fly, well it was just not in the trying to pay off everything budget.  I really did not want to give up my week in the sun, so grateful for the generous company I work for we had the house in Naples for 7 sunny days pool/beach side was what I very, very much needed.  More on that  in a later post, this post is all about road tripping with 4 kids and how to make it manageable.

This wasn't our first OH -> FL trek. We have driven there multiple times to Disney, but we were going a bit further this time, Naples, so adding another 3-4 hours on the trip.  Also, in previous trips the kids were smaller, not just in age, but in height.  We have driven to Hilton Head several times, but 12 hours is a lot more doable than 22, but like I said, I was d…

A letter to all my pals.

Dear my dearest friends, every single one of you, extra special love for those I have hit it hard with,
I am retired from drinking and it is not about you. I adore you, and I adore you for exactly the same reason I did 70 days ago!
I stopped drinking for several reasons and none of them are about you: I had mom guiltI woke up feeling remorse the next dayI didn’t want to wonder what I said the night beforeI didn’t want to have to wonder who was mad at me the next dayI wanted to sleep betterI wanted to say I could do something, and stick with it It was not serving any good in my lifeI could go on and on
Note, these are all about me, not about you.Because this is how I feel, and causes and effects from my drinking, not anyone else's. Look at it this way,  when I was drinking I drank wine, sangria and beer, vodka probably a shot or 2.   You may prefer whisky and vodka.It just isn’t the same, just like I drank different drinks than you, my drinking had different affects that were not p…