TOGETHER

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all those years ago today date was just a date, then about 1995 all of that changed, bob was born. so i actually dont know  if 6/15 was the real date, it may have been written on her papers, i vaguely remember that, but it was the day i celebrated her birth, and it was near the date, so it counts.  dogs give this gift, the gift of unconditional love.   you feed them you snggle them you scratch them you love them but none of that can compare to the unconditional love they always give back, and that is just what bob gave to me.   bob came to me in a time i desperately needed something to be just mine.  i was so in limbo, in a period of my life where i just had no clue what the hell i was going to do.   i had zero direction, no mentors, wasnt accomplishing much, didnt have any goals, heck, i didnt even know what goal setting was!  i dont regret those years, they were extremely fun, and drunk, but fun, and sha...

the boy has been bouncing on the trampoline for years.  since he was a small chubby little guy.   he has always gone out there on his own and would just jump, up and down on his own for the longest time.  it has always been like he goes in a zone, time in his own head, scheming and imagining.  it would calm him, it has always been his go to when he got shooed outside.  well, yesterday was the day that came to an end, snap.  the boy broke his arm.  yes, it was bound to happen yes, trampolines are an accident waiting to happen no, there is not a net around it yes, i am an awful mom so now that we have gotten that out of the way.   it went down like this, the first day of summer break, the boy got shooed outside and off fortnite. jumping away he goes, and attempts the cardinal trampoline sin, a flip.  doesn't land the flip and snap, just like a pencil snapping as he would describe it.     Clea...

i dont have a zenny candle burning i am not drinking a warm mug of tea or coffee i am super comfy on the couch.  i got up early this morning to run and since there was a sprinkling of precipitation, i just could not go outside and do that.  i am a complete fair weather runner, always have been, and running in the dark and rain, well i just dont do it.  i need to have really good conditions.  so i am taking that time to sit and listen to the rain hit the side of the house, the splashing sound when the cars fly by, which they do a 5:34am and my favorite, the birds tweeting waking up the sun. im hoping the sun comes here soon or maybe it is just going to be a rainy day.   either way i am thrilled!  i am up early, showered and taking some quiet time.  i am hopeful in 20 years i will be able to do this often, and if all goes as it is in my master plan, it will be waves i hear crashing in the background not splashing cars, but for now this i...

I’m not sure if it really was the conversation 102 I had with myself, I lost track somewhere along the way, but today I am back to where I had particular one I remember, one of those conversations in my head.   It kind of went like this: Me: what the hell is wrong with you? My head: what the hell have you done again? Me:   this is it, I am done. My head: you really don’t have to be done, you should just cut back. Me: you could just cut back, but you should be done. My head: you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back. Me:   who is mad at me? My head: really, you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back. Me: how bad did you f up? My head: you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back. Me: I’m done, I’m not drinking again.   That was it. My head: Take some time off, you really don’t have to be done, you could just cut back. So what would I do?   I would take the time off, like 7 –...

Wow... we just pulled in from a great, warm sun filled vacation.  The last days unexpected twist was the road trip part of it all.  I watched airfare for the past month, looking at every combo of days and cities and for the number of people to fly, well it was just not in the trying to pay off everything budget.  I really did not want to give up my week in the sun, so grateful for the generous company I work for we had the house in Naples for 7 sunny days pool/beach side was what I very, very much needed.  More on that  in a later post, this post is all about road tripping with 4 kids and how to make it manageable. This wasn't our first OH -> FL trek. We have driven there multiple times to Disney, but we were going a bit further this time, Naples, so adding another 3-4 hours on the trip.  Also, in previous trips the kids were smaller, not just in age, but in height.  We have driven to Hilton Head several times, but 12 hours is a lot...

    Dear my dearest friends, every single one of you, extra special love for those I have hit it hard with,   I am retired from drinking and it is not about you. I adore you, and I adore you for exactly the same reason I did 70 days ago! I stopped drinking for several reasons and none of them are about you:   I had mom guilt I woke up feeling remorse the next day I didn’t want to wonder what I said the night before I didn’t want to have to wonder who was mad at me the next day I wanted to sleep better I wanted to say I could do something, and stick with it It was not serving any good in my life I could go on and on Note, these are all about me, not about you.   Because this is how I feel, and causes and effects from my drinking, not anyone else's.   Look at it this way,   when I was drinking I drank wine, sangria and beer, vodka probably a shot or 2.   You may prefer whisky and vo...

have you seen the Greatest Showman ? Run...do.not.walk. it is absolutely awesome! my little J and I snuck off to the theater on a Sunday afternoon months ago and we are still signing and performing, daily!  I downloaded the soundtrack before we even left the theater. this is the thing, not only are you going to be singing these tunes for some time to come, but you are going to  smile, laugh, dance, tap your foot and cry along the way.  this movie is packed with so much feel good, i didnt even realize it was possible. lets just start it off with who knew wolverine was such an entertainer, and how much more good looking did he get because of it.  ok, so maybe everyone knew that Hugh Jackman is entertaining amazingness , but me, I am grateful I now know.  what sealed the deal for me was this video .  his passion for this oh my, he was not supposed to sing during this rehearsal, he just could not hold himself back.  i mean his under s...

burn out! holy shit!  I think I am now recovering from a total burnout or hopefully recovered I should say.   have you ever had a burn out?  I don’t think it’s the Arianna Huffington one where I collapse and fall on the floor and wake up a new woman, but it is definitely something i am recognizing now that january is wrapping up.  really, i am super happy to close the books on january.  since november, life has been a complete blur for me.  I was pumped to spend five days at home followed up by my fave, the annual turkey bowl, black friday and then it ran into the weekend kicking off basketball season. i mean awesome right?  start with a carb lovers dream meal topped with gravy and ending with a post basketball game celebration (1-0 bitches) that when on until the early morning.  the problem is, the events never ended from there.   when the December rolled around, i got sick, that knocked me out...hard. it then rolled ...

22 days in alcohol free, which is 3 weekends and 12 basketball games. so there is that, but what i am most shocked about is the expectations i had on this journey and how off i was! let me preface this with I always have the most ginormous expectations, with anything.   with people, with events, heck any darn day of the week, I have ridiculous expectations. here are just a few that have me shocked thus far on this journey. expectation #1: relaxing, I mean what can be more relaxing then being sober and not having the stress of drinking and mom shame?   i had thought being sober would be the answer to that question!   being sober is NOT relaxing me, not one bit.   there was just something about getting that first drink in me after a game or anything that had me stressed out or had caused me anxiety.   right about when the first glass was empty and moving through my blood stream and the second one was on the way did I start to ‘unw...