I am retired from drinking and it is not about you.I adore you, and I adore you for exactly the same reason I did 70 days ago!
I stopped drinking for several reasons and none of them are about you:
- I had mom guilt
- I woke up feeling remorse the next day
- I didn’t want to wonder what I said the night before
- I didn’t want to have to wonder who was mad at me the next day
- I wanted to sleep better
- I wanted to say I could do something, and stick with it
- It was not serving any good in my life
- I could go on and on
Note, these are all about me, not about you. Because this is how I feel, and causes and effects from my drinking, not anyone else's.
Look at it this way, when I was drinking I drank wine, sangria and beer, vodka probably a shot or 2. You may prefer whisky and vodka. It just isn’t the same, just like I drank different drinks than you, my drinking had different affects that were not positive for me. Because that was the cause and effect of my drinking, doesn’t mean it is yours.
What it 100% does not mean is I am thinking that about yours, it doesn’t mean that I am looking for your cause and effect.
In fact, that is the furthest thoughts from my mind. My thoughts generally are on how I am staying on this path or how I am going to get through the remainder of the day and onto the next. My thoughts don’t look to you being on it with me. I am super comfortable navigating this alone, but also knowing that you are there with me, being just as you were prior. That is what I want, I want all to remain around me the same, well the same as it can be. I am still going to hang out with you, I am still going to have fun, I am still going to chair dance and sing along, laugh at the jokes, reflect on the remember when’s and plan ahead for the future.
Don’t feel like you have to tell me I am doing good, chances are I am not. Honestly I am doing just as well as you. Chances are there is something else completely out of balance somewhere else in my world. I yell too much, I swear way too much and I am quite certain there is a bill somewhere I need to pay.
Me, not drinking, has no reflection on my relationship with you. This is the one time I am keeping it all about me, I am not drinking and the reason I am not is all about me.Did you second guess inviting me a year ago? Do the same as you did then, for the same reasons. If you did then, I am still going to be there now, doing the same with you, I will just be there on water with a splash of soda and cranberry. I may throw a lime in there as well., that's right, I will still get crazy!
Yes, I still want to be invited. There is still the same chance I may not go, but yes, I want to be invited. I will come to the event, stay as long as I want, and will leave just when I need to. When I leave I will still make the rounds, tell you all good bye, plan for our next outing and roll on home.
I love you dearly, the things I wont do any longer are most likely things you never want to see again anyway. I mean, really, dancing on the bar, taking off my shirt, roller skating wasted around the bar, loosing my car after a PTA meeting, diving across the floor, puking, passing out, those things you really don't want to see again any way, so basically, I am doing you a favor! :)
In closing, just because I am retired from drinking, doesn't mean I am retired from you. I was really, really, really, good at drinking and going out on top! Just like any good retired person, I am working on my next great adventure.
LizPS and then we went and podcasted about this too! take a listen here.